01 — Emotions are the solution, not the problem.

Long deemed the problem in romantic relationships, our negative emotions toward our partner actually indicate how to find our way back to them. I use a model called Emotionally Focused Therapy, the most empirically validated of all the couples therapy models.

02 — We want to know we’re safe. We want to know we can be ourselves.

We are always asking our partners four main questions, “Are you there for me? Will you come when I call? Can I rely on you? Can I be myself and still be with you?”

Often, the answer we hear from our current partner is distorted by the answers we heard to these questions as our brains were forming. In couples work, I help clients collaborate to take ownership of the traumas present in the relationship. From here, partners can unite to heal the wounds of the past, rather than inflaming them.

03 — Pleasure is the measure.

Sex therapy is about breaking down our preconceived notions of what sex must be, and gaining the ability to trust our sexual partners with the wild unknown of the present moment.